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Sissies Need Not Apply

It’s not exactly a new revelation for me, or in the modern world, however it has just been reaffirmed in my life which is like learning the lesson all over again – and ladies…it’s a lesson worth sharing.

I don’t “need” a man in my life – no woman does. And I’m not talking about the whole feminism movement convincing women they don’t need men to have babies etc. That’s not what I’m getting at – I’m talking about how I don’t need a man in my life to be fulfilled or happy. I don’t need a man to feel worthy or complete. And most importantly I don’t think a man should ever be these things in my life (or anyone’s life!). He should ADD TO my happiness and my completeness…but he should not be the source of them.

Unfortunately today’s society does a very good job on selling the idea to women that they “need” a man to be happy or complete – and it’s such GARBAGE! I don’t hate men either; I’m not about to become some old hermit lady that rants about men and how awful or inadequate they are/can be – far from it. I wholeheartedly believe in romance and on meeting the right guy one day, settling down, getting married, and having kids. I totally believe in that and want it…one day.

Sure it’s nice to cuddle up to someone at night and it’s nice to be able to share my life with someone who really knows me – and more than just a friend. It’s nice to feel happy and giddy with someone – beyond just a casual fling. Ultimately I want someone I can create an emotional connection with, someone I can be totally myself around and they still choose to love me (someone who isn’t family!). And I’m not saying things will be perfect, but it’s worth the fight to get through the obstacles and challenges – it’s worth the effort because I care about and ultimately LOVE them…not just “in lust” or “in infatuation” with them.

But you know what? I’ve tended to settle for SO. MUCH. LESS. than all that! And ladies on a whole can potentially get so scared of being lonely and alone that we’ll settle for a lot less than what we deserve! In my case I actually like being alone. I’m independent and I like to be able to do my own thing without having other people dictate what I can or can’t do with my time – if I don’t want them to that is. However, after I broke up with my last ex and ended our slowly crumbling relationship, I plunged straight into living on my own. At first it was great! I didn’t have to deal with or clean up after anyone but myself. I enjoyed the single life, and while it took some time to adjust back to being on my own again, ultimately I quite liked it! However…somewhere along the way I let a subconscious choice creep in and being alone slowly turned into loneliness. Suddenly being alone was uncomfortable, I ached for someone else to be there, someone more than just a friend. I really let it wreak havoc on my emotions and my “home” became a place I didn’t want to be anymore because it took on those emotions.

So I’m not saying I’m prefect by any means, I’ve been down in the dumps before…and I let myself stay there for a while. But I got sick of being sad and feeling sorry for myself! I wanted off the emotional rollercoaster…so I got off! It takes effort and ultimately you have to learn to recognize when you’re going down that “pity party” path so that you can distract yourself with something positive and after a while it takes less and less effort.

I’m choosing to be alone now because I want to wait for the right guy, not just a guy. I don’t want to chase – I want to be chased. I want someone who knows what he wants – and that I’m a part of that picture. He won’t dick around with my feelings or whether we’re “dating” or not. And I’m not saying the next guy is going to be the one I marry or anything…but I want to move in that direction! I’m done wasting my time on the filler stuff and the “casual.” I want something more real and longer term.

But you see the trick with all this is that in order to attract the type of MAN I want – I need to become the type of woman who will attract him. I can’t expect to have him walk into my life because I’m a “good girl” and I think I deserve it. I need to work on me, improve ME, and become the woman I really want to be – and then I’ll be the caliber of what I want to attract.

Now this is all fine and dandy but it’s just words…and actions speak louder than words. Where’s a good place to start? One of the things that majorly helped me was reading the book “The Power of Now” by Eckhart Tolle. Just read it; go to the library and check it out. It was exactly what I needed when I needed it. And then go put on some upbeat music, something that makes you happy and have a dance party by yourself. Sing. Bake. Read. Do yoga. Play with your dog/cat/rabbit, whatever! Do whatever it is that makes you happy and gives you a surge of positivity. Focus on something other than yourself. You have the wonderful ability and sometimes curse, to be able to choose at any given moment how you feel and how you treat others…so what choice have you made?

And on a slightly different but loosely related note here’s a quote from Rocky that has come up in my life whenever I seem to be letting myself get beaten up over small things:

Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain’t all sunshine and rainbows. It’s a very mean and nasty place, and I don’t care how tough you are, it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain’t about how hard you hit. It’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward; how much you can take and keep moving forward. That’s how winning is done! Now, if you know what you’re worth, then go out and get what you’re worth. But you gotta be willing to take the hits, and not pointing fingers saying you ain’t where you wanna be because of him, or her, or anybody. Cowards do that and that ain’t you. You’re better than that! … But until you start believing in yourself, you ain’t gonna have a life.

An Attitude of Gratitude

This post has been a long time in coming and maybe it’s just a little timelier now with Thanksgiving around the corner.

I have been going through a lot in my personal life – very emotional and painful things; things that make it hard to see beyond myself, things that make it hard to get out of bed in the morning, things that make it hard to love myself, and things that just make it hard to be happy in a city where I’m practically by myself. It’s been quite a roller-coaster. However I’m practicing having faith in my life – not God related faith (I’m not religiously inclined…that kind of stuff just goes over my head), but just faith in a process; faith that by “cleaning out my closet” I’m moving towards being the person I always wanted to be. So I’m on a road of growth – I’m learning to embrace things about myself, I’m learning to love myself and cut myself a damn break. I am perfectly imperfect, and sure I’ve done some dumb things – WHO HASN’T?! So everything I’m going through is stuff I NEED to go through right now because it’s part of the process and I’m getting closer to my ideal ‘me.’ But that realization still doesn’t make it easier or less painful to go through.

Now, I can choose to continue to dwell on all this – the painful things that make me want to quit and run home, the things I want and haven’t got, the things that haven’t gone how I expected, the poor choices I’ve made, and all those other circumstances. I can (and have) let myself give in to that. I’ve cried about it, ached with it, and let myself go through major emotional upheavals…and I’m not saying I’m totally over all that but I’ve certainly worn that emotion quite enough! I’m endeavoring to not give into the pity party anymore and simply choose to focus on more beautiful things – like all the ways I’m blessed, and all the things I should be thankful for – AKA having an attitude of gratitude.

I have an amazing family (I’m mostly referring to my immediate family here).  It makes my heart swell with love and gratitude to think of how supporting they are of me and I know, without hesitation, that no matter what goes on in my life they will always be there for me. I’ve been able to develop a relationship with my parents where they’re helping me analyze some things in my life and I know I can call them no matter what I’m feeling and just talk it out. My sister and I have recreated a great friendship and have had a blast this summer going around to music festivals and just hanging out. We still squabble – we’re sisters after all, but we’re making that effort to chat and hangout; after all we know everything about each other. It’s also been great to have my brother around more, he’s always upbeat, supportive and is a great listener – he gives you his full attention, which can sometimes be hard to do with family. He goes out of his way for his friends and knows how to have a great time.

I have some beautiful friends (old and new) – and I’m not just referring to physical beauty here. I have always been someone who values the quality of a relationship over having a large quantity of ‘friends.’ When I moved to Vancouver I did lose quite a few people I thought I was closer with…but ultimately the people who have stuck with me through that transition are the friends who are really worth my time – and they know who they are. I don’t always get to see them as often as I’d like…but when I do it’s like we picked up right where we left off. I’m also currently in the process of making some new local friends in Vancouver and so far they’re all lovely people. It can be hard to get chatting with someone in a new city, but when you do and you make a connection it’s so simple to say “Hey, I’m looking for new friends in the city and I’ve enjoyed chatting with you, want to grab a coffee some time?” You’d be surprised how many people are open to that.

As far as jobs go – mine is pretty sweet. I work with a kick ass crew of people who all WANT to be doing what we’re doing and that attitude in the work place is absolute gold. Sure we all have days where we’d simply rather not (especially during the beautiful summer we had) but on the whole we all have a passion for what we’re doing in the Tourism & Online industries. Think! Social Media is a FUN company to work for and it’s embodied in the work we do and the people who work there. I mean…just look at the main image on the website. Not many people can say this about their work but I ENJOY going into the office – plus you never really know what’s going to happen, be it Friday afternoon beer bowling, opening a wine bottle – sans corkscrew, patio lunches, or drawing on walls (don’t worry…they’re whiteboard walls).

There’s much more I’m thankful for, but I’m going to wrap it up with saying how wonderful it is to live in a city as beautiful as Vancouver, BC. Sure it gets called “Raincouver” and there are hilarious sites that take the piss out of it sometimes, but it’s green and beautiful…and sorry but you can’t have that without a little rain (…or a lot). There’s also a large population of young, fit people in Vancouver, and I love that it’s a city that “comes outdoors to play” on beautiful days; how could you not when there are so many beautiful parks and an amazing seawall? There’s always something to do, no matter what you like, rain or shine.

There are many things I’m thankful for in my life so when I’m down I just take some time to thing on these things and it helps to lift my mood and take my eyes off myself. EVERYONE has something they can be thankful for, so next time you’re sweating the small stuff write down what you’re thankful for and post it on your fridge. Having an “attitude of gratitude” helps your day do an about-face. Just try not to sweat the small stuff…and it’s ALL small stuff.

The “Lotus Touts” (aka the simple things)

This came to me through one of those ever annoying chain letters, “Pass this on in 6 minutes or something unpleasant will occur”… etc. However I don’t really subscribe to sending those out since folks these days are getting enough spam as it is! With that said…this one had a lovely message in it so I thought I’d share it a little differently (and format it so it’s not ‘papyrus’ and size 25 text…) These are 21 great practices to living a happy life.

It’s the simple things you can do day-to-day that help you go to sleep with a smile on your face. And really…that’s all that matters. It’s not about how much money you made that day, what the weather was like, or if you got everything done that you wanted to do – if you can be happy that you lived your day with love in your heart, and that you smiled and treated other people well…well that’s more important than anything else in my opinion.

So without further adieu:

  1. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.
  2. Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other.
  3. Don’t believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want.
  4. When you say, ‘I love you,’ mean it.
  5. When you say, ‘I’m sorry,’ look the person in the eye..
  6. Be engaged at least six months before you get married.
  7. Believe in love at first sight.
  8. Never laugh at anyone’s dreams. People who don’t have dreams don’t have much.
  9. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it’s the only way to live life completely.
  10. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name-calling.
  11. Don’t judge people by their relatives.
  12. Talk slowly but think quickly.
  13. When someone asks you a question you don’t want to answer, smile and ask, ‘Why do you want to know?’
  14. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
  15. Say ‘bless you’ when you hear someone sneeze.
  16. When you lose, don’t lose the lesson.
  17. Remember the three R’s: Respect for self; Respect for others; and Responsibility for all your actions.
  18. Don’t let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
  19. When you realize you’ve made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
  20. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice
  21. Spend some time alone.

What do you think? Agree with some and not with others? Why? Would you add any?

My favourite TED talks

One thing I would like to do is spend more time listening to talks on TED. It’s basically a website that posts talks and all kinda of presentations and their motto is “Ideas worth spreading.” I haven’t had the opportunity to listen to many of their talks…but the ones I have listened to I’ve enjoyed. The talks I’ve heard range from topics on funny things like the significance of “4 am” to things like Seth Godin talking about standing out. I’ve been exposed to these TED talks through my various classes in PR and my four favourite talks are the following (in no particular order):

  1. Elizabeth Gilbert on nurturing creativity/genius. (She’s the author of Eat Pray Love) (19:32 mins)
  2. Rives on 4am (One of the more funny presentations) (9:09 mins)
  3. Seth Godin on standing out (He’s a marketing guru/genius) (17:04 mins)
  4. Tony Robbins on why we do what we do (I’d love to hear a full talk of his) (21:48 mins)

I strongly urge you to take the time and watch these presentations…or cruise TED for yourself. It’s a very cool website!

I would also love it if you would like to share a particular talk you found hilarious or inspiring! I’m always open to recommendations.

Happy Valentine’s Day

Happy Valentine’s Day everyone!

I hope that whether you are single, in a relationship, or anything in between that you have a day full of love.

I don’t curse Valentine’s Day, but I don’t place a lot of value on it either. I have never been one to believe we should love someone more or less on any given day, be that Valentine’s Day, birthdays, anniversaries or Christmas…they are all simply another day to me. I don’t mind taking that time to go on a date with a friend/boyfriend or what have you, and simply enjoy each others company, but I’m not one for huge fanfares of affection that can end up being quite costly…

I remember when Valentine’s Day use to be more about making and receiving Valentine’s cards from my friends then about buying chocolate or flowers! Since then it has simply turned into another commercial holiday. However I don’t have anything against this. I won’t deny the fact that I don’t mind going out for a nice dinner…and if they’re offered I never turn down chocolate or flowers but if I don’t get anything that is 100% fine as well.

My favourite part about February is the return of the candy cinnamon hearts. I love them! I have a friend that works at a grocery store in Parksville on Vancouver Island and he knows how much I loved Cinnamon hearts. Last year after Valentine’s Day when they take all the candy off the shelves he got me a kilogram bag for $0.99! Needless to say I didn’t eat them all myself!

This year was a pretty quiet Valentine’s Day since I was in Richmond and my boyfriend was at home on the island. We’ll be having a nice little dinner and movie date this coming Friday night, just the two of us.

Happy Valentine’s Day all! Till next year…

I’ve Learned That…

So I read this long page with all these ‘life lessons’ of things people have learned…and these are the ones I felt I have experienced.

 

I’ve learned that…

  • No matter how much I care, some people just don’t care back.
  • It takes years to build up trust, and only seconds to destroy it.
  • You can do something in an instant that will give you a heartache for life.
  • No matter how thin you slice it, there are always two sides.
  • You should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.
  • We are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.
  • True friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love.
  • Maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you’ve had and what you’ve learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you’ve celebrated.
  • No matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn’t stop for your grief.
  • Just because two people argue, it doesn’t mean they don’t love each other. And just because they don’t argue, it doesn’t mean they do.
  • We don’t have to change friends if we understand that friends change.
  • Love is not for me to keep, but to pass on to the next person I see.
  • There are people who love you dearly but just don’t know how to show it.
  • Even when I have pains, I don’t have to be one.
  • Every day you should reach out and touch someone. People love that human touch – holding hands, a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back.
  • Each day we should make at least one person smile.
  • I still have a lot to learn……

Welcome to the New Year!

Well hello 2011! There’s always a sense of excitement for me as a year draws to a close. I love New Years and the countdown to midnight.

All in all I would count my Christmas holidays a wonderful time of family and friends. I got a lot of visiting done and had plenty of wholesome home cooking, which is what the holidays should be all about. (Not about the receiving of gifts)

New Years was a very fun occasion, I helped to set up a black light party at my friend Bridget’s house. We’ve been friends since grade 2 when she first befriended me. Even though me may not hang out tons, when we do hangout it’s like there was never a separation, and this I believe is one of the key ingredients for a successful friendship that will last years.

I returned to Richmond for school on the 4th and have so far been enjoying my final semester at Kwantlen before I get my diploma. We have a one month internship to complete in March which will be the most interesting part of the semester!

 

So far it has been a good start to the year and I am looking forward to the rest of it!