It’s not exactly a new revelation for me, or in the modern world, however it has just been reaffirmed in my life which is like learning the lesson all over again – and ladies…it’s a lesson worth sharing.
I don’t “need” a man in my life – no woman does. And I’m not talking about the whole feminism movement convincing women they don’t need men to have babies etc. That’s not what I’m getting at – I’m talking about how I don’t need a man in my life to be fulfilled or happy. I don’t need a man to feel worthy or complete. And most importantly I don’t think a man should ever be these things in my life (or anyone’s life!). He should ADD TO my happiness and my completeness…but he should not be the source of them.
Unfortunately today’s society does a very good job on selling the idea to women that they “need” a man to be happy or complete – and it’s such GARBAGE! I don’t hate men either; I’m not about to become some old hermit lady that rants about men and how awful or inadequate they are/can be – far from it. I wholeheartedly believe in romance and on meeting the right guy one day, settling down, getting married, and having kids. I totally believe in that and want it…one day.
Sure it’s nice to cuddle up to someone at night and it’s nice to be able to share my life with someone who really knows me – and more than just a friend. It’s nice to feel happy and giddy with someone – beyond just a casual fling. Ultimately I want someone I can create an emotional connection with, someone I can be totally myself around and they still choose to love me (someone who isn’t family!). And I’m not saying things will be perfect, but it’s worth the fight to get through the obstacles and challenges – it’s worth the effort because I care about and ultimately LOVE them…not just “in lust” or “in infatuation” with them.
But you know what? I’ve tended to settle for SO. MUCH. LESS. than all that! And ladies on a whole can potentially get so scared of being lonely and alone that we’ll settle for a lot less than what we deserve! In my case I actually like being alone. I’m independent and I like to be able to do my own thing without having other people dictate what I can or can’t do with my time – if I don’t want them to that is. However, after I broke up with my last ex and ended our slowly crumbling relationship, I plunged straight into living on my own. At first it was great! I didn’t have to deal with or clean up after anyone but myself. I enjoyed the single life, and while it took some time to adjust back to being on my own again, ultimately I quite liked it! However…somewhere along the way I let a subconscious choice creep in and being alone slowly turned into loneliness. Suddenly being alone was uncomfortable, I ached for someone else to be there, someone more than just a friend. I really let it wreak havoc on my emotions and my “home” became a place I didn’t want to be anymore because it took on those emotions.
So I’m not saying I’m prefect by any means, I’ve been down in the dumps before…and I let myself stay there for a while. But I got sick of being sad and feeling sorry for myself! I wanted off the emotional rollercoaster…so I got off! It takes effort and ultimately you have to learn to recognize when you’re going down that “pity party” path so that you can distract yourself with something positive and after a while it takes less and less effort.
I’m choosing to be alone now because I want to wait for the right guy, not just a guy. I don’t want to chase – I want to be chased. I want someone who knows what he wants – and that I’m a part of that picture. He won’t dick around with my feelings or whether we’re “dating” or not. And I’m not saying the next guy is going to be the one I marry or anything…but I want to move in that direction! I’m done wasting my time on the filler stuff and the “casual.” I want something more real and longer term.
But you see the trick with all this is that in order to attract the type of MAN I want – I need to become the type of woman who will attract him. I can’t expect to have him walk into my life because I’m a “good girl” and I think I deserve it. I need to work on me, improve ME, and become the woman I really want to be – and then I’ll be the caliber of what I want to attract.
Now this is all fine and dandy but it’s just words…and actions speak louder than words. Where’s a good place to start? One of the things that majorly helped me was reading the book “The Power of Now” by Eckhart Tolle. Just read it; go to the library and check it out. It was exactly what I needed when I needed it. And then go put on some upbeat music, something that makes you happy and have a dance party by yourself. Sing. Bake. Read. Do yoga. Play with your dog/cat/rabbit, whatever! Do whatever it is that makes you happy and gives you a surge of positivity. Focus on something other than yourself. You have the wonderful ability and sometimes curse, to be able to choose at any given moment how you feel and how you treat others…so what choice have you made?
And on a slightly different but loosely related note here’s a quote from Rocky that has come up in my life whenever I seem to be letting myself get beaten up over small things:
Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain’t all sunshine and rainbows. It’s a very mean and nasty place, and I don’t care how tough you are, it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain’t about how hard you hit. It’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward; how much you can take and keep moving forward. That’s how winning is done! Now, if you know what you’re worth, then go out and get what you’re worth. But you gotta be willing to take the hits, and not pointing fingers saying you ain’t where you wanna be because of him, or her, or anybody. Cowards do that and that ain’t you. You’re better than that! … But until you start believing in yourself, you ain’t gonna have a life.
Adventures of a Redhead 